Stop the hate

Hate speech walks a very fine line between both sides of the law. Hate speech is allowed when it does not incite violence or prejudicial actions against others. This means that anyone can spew out racist, homophobic, sexist, or any other disparaging comments without fear of consequences because they are protected under the US’ first Amendment to freedom of speech. There are websites that are dedicated to spreading hateful messages commonly known as hate sites. There is much debate on whether to censor the Internet or not, and how. I personally feel that anything that is intended to inflict any harm on another should be illegal. No one has the right to advocate hate. We all deserve to be treated with respect or be left alone. So many young teens are committing suicide because they are not mentally prepared to deal with such issues as hate speech. What a terrible ordeal to have to be discovering your sexuality while being accosted for it before even being able to fully understand it yourself. People should always have the right to disagree and uphold their personal beliefs; but they should not be able to stop you from existing simply because you feel, look, believe, or act differently. We need to do our part and confront hate speech head on. Every single time it is spoken in our presence we need to call the person on it and let them know that it is unacceptable. It won’t work every time, but at least it is a start.

American society is like a...

          I would love to say that melting pot or a beautiful rainbow best describes our society, but in order to do this I would have to ignore cultural, social, and racial divides that are very real and affect people every single day. I can say that I wish our society was a melting pot or beautiful rainbow. I would love for my children to grow up being judged on merit and not by who they know, what they look like, or beliefs that they hold; but our society as a whole would have to become a lot more accepting in a very short amount of time for this to happen.
          Considering where we are and how far we’ve come from where we started (we have made a lot of progress) I would say we are like a pizza. Everyone has finally come to accept that different people are here to stay whether they like it or not. Like a pizza, unfortunately, people can still fairly easily associate with groups of their choice, and avoid others completely. The rich can still play with the rich, the blacks can still play with the blacks, the girls can still play with the girls without having to answer to anyone as to why their circle isn’t more diverse. People can order whatever toppings they want on a pizza, or no toppings at all, and each and every possible combination is still a pizza. People can surround themselves with different classes, races, and genders and know that they will be identified as an American. People can also hold racist beliefs and isolate themselves to only their group and also know that they will be identified as American. Whatever love or hate that we want to share does not make us more or less American. There are some of us who are more accepting of people in general just as there are pizzas with more toppings than others. Some people say that they hate anchovies without ever having tasted one; they explain that the thought, or the smell just repulses them. Let us ask ourselves who are our “anchovies” and is it o.k. for us not to like them without “trying” them first?

That's not what I meant

          Ambiguity can lead to misunderstandings and confusion because it relies on one’s interpretation; and interpretation has infinite possibilities. In order to limit miscommunication we should be more specific. Instead of telling your sister you hate her, you should try: “you are so much prettier than I am, you have so many friends, mom and dad love you best, and I am so jealous of you!” J I’m joking of course because no one should hate their brother/sister. ¬ This here, is exactly what I am talking about, and it wasn’t even planned. None of you know me, and I did not want to assume that you would all understand my humor; so I followed this example of how to be more specific with an explanation/aclaration so as not to leave any of you with the idea that this was intended as a true suggestion or even a real experience of mine ( I don‘t have a sister). Why did I do this? I am aware that there is the possibility that someone might be feeling insecure around one of their siblings, I am aware that people like to assume that others interject personal experiences into their examples, and I am aware of the possibility that you may have “got it” and just didn’t appreciate it, and I did not want to come off as arrogant (I think my sister is jealous of me) or insensitive (I am making light of a real issue).
          So I guess ambiguity is more prominent than I was planning to argue…I couldn’t even get past the intro. J The point is you should always protect yourself when communicating with others by ensuring that you are being understood the way you want to be. Not only will you save time (you won’t have to re-explain yourself) you will nurture your relationships (we regret offending people when it is done on purpose, but when it is done unintentionally it is just sad and unnecessary). So be clear and precise.

BREAK THE CYCLE!

          There are four basic attachment styles. Secure which fosters self-confidence and trust, Fearful which fosters insecurities, Dismissive which fosters superiority complexes, and Anxious/ambivalent which fosters emotional instability. I always knew that my upbringing affected me, but I could never find the words to express just how exactly. The section on attachment styles really spoke to me. I found an accurate description of my mother’s caregiving style, and the attachment style that ensued seemed to describe me just as a lifelong friend would. While I was always aware of her parenting style, I was never aware of the concrete affects her behaviors had on me until I came face to face with them on the page. For those who have enjoyed or practice secure attachment styles: you are very fortunate and keep up the good work. For those who have not: it is never too late to forgive and move on. If you find yourself mistreating your children try to remember that they are innocent and trusting, and that your actions do have lasting consequences on their lives. I am so proud to say that I am the mother of two young boys and I am providing them with a secure environment despite not having one of my own.

Twenty isn't what it used to be

          I personally enjoyed this exercise very much. Not only did it give me an opportunity to spend time with people who probably would not have been my first choice, it reminded me of how lucky I am to be an able bodied, independent, unconfined, liberated woman. In reviewing my “research” J , I found that the couple who were 40 years older than me had it much rougher in their twenties than we did. Men were the breadwinners and were expected to get the job done without complaining. Women were homemakers who did not fathom the idea of equality. They had to care for the men, children, and home cheerfully. Men were expected to handle their problems on their own. It was not an option to go out and ask for help because times were getting too stressful. Men were expected to maintain their household without handouts, so there wasn’t too much time to dream of goals other than providing for the wife and kids. Women were expected to be polite and “lady-like” at all times. It was unheard of to go out with friends and ignore their duties at home. They were expected to rear as many children as possible and behave as good Christians. Single at 20 was an embarrassment to the woman and her family. It was unacceptable to publicly date casually for both men and women.
          The couple that I spoke to that was 20 years older than me didn’t seem to have it as rigorous in my opinion. The men were still expected to work and be the breadwinners, but they were also allowed leisure time with friends and associates. It was not acceptable for men to speak freely about their feelings or lounge around and do nothing with their days. Same sex relationships were taboo. Women were allowed the freedom to play with personal fashion and their appearance. They were free to go shopping with friends and host dinner parties. Women were not expected to be smarter than a man. Aspirations of women’s equality were rejected and frowned upon. If a woman became too vocal she was ostracized.
          20 year olds of today seem to be living in an entirely different world than their predecessors. Most 20 year olds do not have to worry about marriage or children until they are nearing their 30’s. Women in their 20’s have no qualms about expressing their perceived superiority over men, and men passively seem to accept their assertions for the most part (not to say that they necessarily agree with this). Women and men in their 20’s enjoy competing with one another on their level playing field. Men in their 20’s are free to complain about any and everything whether it is a loss in a game, a fight with a girlfriend, or some sort of car trouble. Staying out all night with friends is the norm for both men and women. If you are not invited out on “Friday night” you feel left out. This is a far cry from what previous generations concerned themselves with. 20 year olds in this day and age have uninhibited freedom. I don’t know if the freedom to do what one pleases at 20 is a curse or a blessing. Structure is great as long as it is not inhibiting. We are trusting 20 year olds to make responsible decisions that will impact their futures. May they make the most of their free will and always be safe and conscious of their repercussions.

Race does not define us

Race is part of our own personal identity. Just as instrumental in our identification as whether we are popular or unpopular, single or in a relationship, or living comfortably or struggling day to day. These classifications allow others to get a sense of who we are without having any type of personal interaction with us. Racial classifications just aren’t fair because they allow others to generalize us; and each of us is unique in our own special way. Generalizations are dangerous because they can come with stereotypes. Unfortunately stereotypes are a prominent stigma in how we perceive race: Mexican men rely on “machismo” to assert themselves, Black people are great at sports, Chinese people are good with finances, Jewish men make great husbands, etc., etc., etc. What does this mean, do, or serve? I am the mother of two well-rounded Chicano boys and they are not macho. They don’t even know what macho means. I have played basketball with my friend Maurice (who happens to be black) and it was not a memorable experience, and my co-worker Lizelle’s (Chinese) Macy’s, Sear’s, and Target cards are all maxed out. I don’t think race is a good way to classify people because race doesn’t come with concrete definitions. “Good” classifiers are personal characteristics because they are definitive: honest/dishonest, monogamous/promiscuous, friendly/unfriendly, caring/uncaring, generous/stingy, etc. These are characteristics that we all possess and accurately define who we are. We are either honest or dishonest. The great thing about these types of identifiers is that they are not set in stone as in the case of race. We are born “brown” and will die “brown” (or white, yellow, red, black, etc.). We can be promiscuous at one point in our lives and monogamous during another chapter of our lives. We are evolving, growing, maturing, and “bettering ourselves” every step of the way. It is not fair to carry an identifier our whole lives that has no definitive significance. Racial pride is a good thing to have but should not have anything to do with who we are intrinsically. For this reason I believe that we should be allowed to check more than one race on the Census Bureau if we identify with more than one (as is the case with most of us). In having to choose one race to best classify ourselves we are being forced to deny the rest of ourselves (even if only in the checking of a box). We should be proud of who we are and where we come from. There is no just cause to deny anything that we are not ashamed of even through an act as minute as the checking of a box on a Census Bureau.