Sunday, March 25, 2012
Autonomy/Connection Dialectic
The most important concept of this entire book for me is the autonomy/connection dialectic. Had I known that it is normal for people in a relationship to want different levels of independence and closeness I would have been able to better understand my relationship with my husband, and would have handled my frustrations very differently. For the most part I prefer personal time and space because I’ve always preferred a good book over a juicy conversation. My husband on the other hand has always taken my need for personal space personally, and I have exhausted myself trying to explain something that I myself could not define before reading this chapter. I now know that what I feel is normal and have the proper response for this issue. I can share what I have learned with my husband and enlighten him on the issue in a manner that I have not been able to on my own. Quality time with the one you love is precious, and so is quality time with yourself. J
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Hey Xylia,
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading your post on the autonomy/connection dialectic. I agree that it is normal for people to want different levels of independence and closeness. There are times that I want time to myself and other times where I want to be needed and depended on. I would want to hang out with my friends and do guy stuff like watch sports and have a beer, while the girlfriend would want to hang out with her girl friends and do what girls do. When two people can balance personal life and independent life successfully, they can have a satisfying personal relationship.
Autonomy/Connection are very important in a relationship and it might be hard to balance the two for some couples. I'm glad to hear that you and your husband have found that healthy balance in between, and I always enjoy hearing about successful relationships and better yet, marriages! Especially now a days. I had a hard time finding the balance between autonomy and connection between my boyfriend and I because I like any girl would always want to be put first and wanted to feel important to him. But he was the type who enjoyed his space, time with his friends. After a lot of differences we have finally found that balance and I now understand a lot better from his side of the situation. Relationships are all about understanding.
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